Philosophy jokes and memes

Stoicism, Hedonism, Sophism, Existentialism… Humour. Philosophy and philosophers jokes and memes

Today we’ve got some funny stuff from philosophers like Socrates, Schopenhauer, Plato, Kant, Nietzsche, Sartre, Confucius, Lao Tzu, and Cioran that will have you cracking up like never before… and by the way: if you are interested in philosophy, or just a human being who sometimes gets lost, don’t miss this article on the meaning of life. Relax, life’s too brief for perpetual solemnity, so don’t take existence too gravely, it’s probably a one-way ticket.

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Greece
Greek philosophers
Socrates Plato Aristotle jokes
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“I agree with Sophocles: the greatest luck is not to have been born – but, as the joke goes on, very few people succeed in it”. — Slavoj Žižek 

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Nihilism
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A man dies and goes to heaven, where he meets God. The first question he asks is:
— What is the meaning of life?
And God says to him:
— Man, if I explained it to you it would take all the fun out of the joke!

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Oscar Wilde quote
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“The average person thinks he isn’t.” – Father Larry Lorenzoni

Nihilism
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“Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.” – Proverb

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Arthur Schopenhauer jokes
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I am sitting with a philosopher in the garden; he says again and again “I know that that’s a tree,” pointing to a tree that is near us. Someone else arrives and hears this, and I tell him: “This fellow isn’t insane. We are only doing philosophy.”—Wittgenstein

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Socrates Plato Aristotle jokes
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Nietzsche: God is dead!
God: That’s enough! Who did it?
Socrates: I only know that I know nothing!
St. Augustine looking at Nietsche: No one denies God, except those to whom it fits that God does not exist.
Descartes: God can’t be dead! God is an infinite substance, eternal, immutable, independent, omniscient, omnipotent… It’s nuts!
God: Thank you, René. you are ruled out of punishment.
Jean-Paul Sartre: Even if God exists, nothing would change: man is made through the exercise of his own freedom.
Noam Chomsky: Well, religion is based on the idea that God is a jerk.
Karl Popper: Oh, really? Say it to my face, I’ll refute it!
God: Hello? Huh, I’m here! Am I invisible or what? I’m sick of you! I’m going to send a leave request.

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Noam Chomsky jokes
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Socrates Plato Aristotle jokes
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How many marxists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. The lightbulb contains the seed of its own revolution.

Kant jokes
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What do you call a wolf who reads philosophy?
AWAREWOLF

Kant jokes
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I’m in love with a philosophy major, and she doesn’t even know I exist and worse… she can prove it.

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Meaning of life
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A renowned philosopher was held in high regard by his driver, who listened in awe as his boss lectured and answered difficult questions about the nature of things and the meaning of life.
Then, one day, the driver approached the philosopher and asked if he was willing to switch roles for just one evening. The philosopher agreed, and, for a while, the driver handled himself remarkably well.
However, when the time came for questions, someone at the back of the room asked him, “Is the epistemological meta-narrative that you seem to espouse compatible with a teleological account of the universe?”
“That’s an extremely simple question,” he replied. “So simple, in fact, that even my driver could answer it.”

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Chrysippus
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A newly discovered Greek Philosopher once said…”Meh,good enough”… which is my opinion on most of these jokes. ~Mediocrates

Thomas Hobbes
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Thomas Hobbes

Two behaviorists have sex. One turns to the other and says,
“That was good for you; how was it for me?”

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Francis Bacon
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Why do Marxists only ever drink horrible tea?
Because all proper tea is theft.

Communism
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As I stared into the refrigerator I realized I was finally using my philosophy degree. “Why am I here?”

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Nietzche
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An Irishman’s philosophy…
there are only two things to worry about..
Either you are well, or you are sick.
If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about.
But if you’re sick, there are two things to worry about.
Either you will get well, or you will die.
If you get well, there is nothing to worry about.
But if you die, there are only two things to worry about.
Either you will go to heaven or hell.

Sartre jokes
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All the great Greek philosophers died as they lived… A long time ago, and probably in Greece .
(Keep calm! It’s just a joke!)

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Arthur Schopenhauer jokes
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If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell, you’ll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends, you won’t have time to worry.

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Jean-paul Sartre jokes
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I have a really good Karl Popper joke but I can’t find any way to prove it’s not funny.

Arthur Schopenhauer jokes
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Advice: Don’t invite Arthur to your Birthday party.

I have a Schrodinger joke but it’s both funny and unfunny until I tell it.

Communism
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Nietzsche jokes
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Why shouldn’t you study French philosophy before Roman poetry?
Because that would be putting Descarte before the Horace.

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Epistemology
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An angel appeared before a conference of philosophers. Everyone was shocked, especially considering many of them were atheists. At once, a debate raged about what to ask this supernatural entity. Seeing the commotion, in a booming voice, the angel said,
“I will return in one hour, at which time I will answer any one question with 100% certainty.”
And then- poof – he was gone.
The debate intensified. It seemed every philosopher had a different question they wanted to ask the angel, but no one could be certain that their question was the best one to ask without wasting this incredible opportunity.
Eventually, though, the attendees all put their heads together and came up with the question they would ask: “What is the ordered pair consisting first of the best question to ask in this scenario; and second, the answer to that question?”
When the angel returned, exactly one hour later, he said,
“It has been one hour. What is your question?”
Trembling in anticipation and not a little fear, an old philosophy professor stepped forward and said:
“What is the ordered pair consisting first of the best question to ask in this scenario; and second, the answer to that question?”
In the same booming voice, the angel responded:
“That ordered pair consists first of the question you just asked; and second, of the answer I am now giving.”
And then he disappeared forever.

Confucius joke meme
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Existentialism jokes memes
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Socrates Plato Aristotle jokes
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If Schopenhauer went to heaven, what would he do?
Be disappointed.

Chomsky
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They say reading is hot. So I started studying philosophy. Now all of my relationships are platonic.

I wanted to make a joke about Philosophy… But I just Kant.

E.M. Cioran jokes memes
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PLato Diogenes memes jokes
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Professor of Philosophy
At the school-wide faculty meeting, an angel appeared suddenly. The angel said to the head of the philosophy department:
“I can give you wisdom, beauty, or 10 million dollars, choose one of the three.”
The professor chose wisdom without thinking.
After a flash of lightning, the professor looked like he had changed to another person. But he sat there blankly, looking down at the table.
A co-worker leaned to his ear and said:
“Say something”
The professor replied, “I should’ ha’ve asked for that money.”

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You know what really grinds my gears

List of the most annoying daily setbacks and nuisances that really grind my gears

(to) grind one’s gears meaning

(to) grind one’s gears is an American English idiom meaning that something or someone makes you angry or annoys you. This idiom was recently popularized by fictional character Peter Griffin, the main character of the American animated sitcom Family Guy.

What really grinds my gears

Here is a list of the everyday situations, setbacks, misfortunes and twists that really grind my gears, or annoy me to such an extreme that really salt my apples or make me blow a fuse, blow a gasket, blow my top… Well, you know what I mean.

You know what really grinds my gears

I’m not a short fuse, I’m not specially quick to temper… but even though they may seem small details, trifles, or if you like, trivialities, they really manage to get on my nerves. Just imagine they all happen the same day… believe me, it could end up badly. Yeah, even a model citizen could end up losing their head and behaving like Michael Douglas in Falling Down.

So, without further ado, let’s take a look at these annoying and inconvenient daily setbacks:

List of things that grind my gears

When you are in bed, as snug as a bug in a rug, and suddenly remember that you left the washing machine on, so you need to get up and hang up clothes.

annoying things
things that really grind my gears
The washing machine!

When the earphone cables get tangled and you need to spend your valuable time untangling the fu***ng mess.

annoying things
things that really grind my gear

When you step on a dog turd when heading to an important appointment or, even worse, a romantic date.

annoying things
things that really grind my gear

Spoilers… I just hate them! They should know that loose lips sink ships.

annoying things
things that really grind my gear

When you realize, after taking a shower, you didn’t take the towel (specially annoying in winter).

annoying things
things that really grind my gear

When you can’t escape from a smart-ass who happens to be a relative and you run out of painkillers.

annoying things
things that really grind my gear
What a drag! What a headache!

When you placidly conclude your digestive process and find out there isn’t any toilet paper left.

annoying things
things that really grind my gear
Shit!

When egg yolks pop out when frying. However hard you try to disguise your blunder, everybody will notice.

annoying things
things that really grind my gear

When your shoes and, even worse, your socks get wet on a cold and rainy winter day. It only adds insult to injury if you happen to be on your way to work and you are late. You know… It never rains but it pours.

annoying things
things that really grind my gear
Oh, no!

When you forget to save the files you have been working so hard on.

annoying things
things that really grind my gear

What about you? What grinds your gears? Mosquitoes? Rude people? Reckless drivers? Cooking oil spilled out on the kitchen floor? Let us know.

Thank you for you visit. We look forward to seeing you around soon.

Synonyms of (to) grind one’s gears meaning

There are several synonyms of this expressions, such as (to) irritate, (to) annoy, (to) be like a bear with a sore head, (to) blow a fuse, (to) blow a gasket, (to) blow your top, (to be) be cheesed off, (to) drive someone up the wall, (to) fly off the handle, (to) get someone’s goat

(to) Grind one’s gears in other languages

(to) grind one’s gears in Catalan: Treure de polleguera (to) grind one’s gears in French: faire sortir quelqu’un de ses gonds (to) grind one’s gears in German: wahnsinnig machen (to) grind one’s gears in Spanish: sacar de quicio

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